DIY is for Destroy It Yourself

A couple of months back, Stuart, while sitting in front of his open bedroom window, absent-mindedly poked holes in the plastic mesh screen, an important part of the window. Homes in North Carolina must have them to keep the indigenous hoard of blood-sucking insects out when the windows are open. Otherwise, you might as well douse yourself with sugar water, stand outside and yell,"Dinner, come and get it!"

At the time, all I did was to dock Stuart's allowance; but now that it's spring and we want to leave the windows open, I had to fix the screen. I should have left well enough alone...

Somehow, changing a mesh screen, a job that would take the normal person 15 minutes to complete, has now taken me 3 hours and it still isn't done. I went to Home Depot - the local Do It Yourself store - and bought everything that I needed. I followed the instructions, I put the screen up and it was too big. I tried to wedge it into place and cracked the frame. I went back to Home Depot and bought everything that I needed. I put it up for a second time and now it is too small, leaving a wide gap which couldn't keep out a rodent with a severe glandular disorder much less an insect. I can't figure out where I went wrong and I still have to go back to Home Depot. It's really not the place where I want everyone to know my name...

You know, when people are drunk you take away their keys and you don't serve them any more alcohol. They are dangerous, because they don't know what they are doing. When it comes to home improvement they should do the same for me. They should have my photo posted at all the DIYs with the caption, "Do not serve this man. Report to the manager immediately." I should be issued a restraining order that keeps me at least 500 feet away. Better yet, I should be put on Neighborhood Watch. My home needs to be protected from myself.

I do believe there is a spiritual lesson to be learned here. What is it? Why don't you see n say?